78
OVR
28
6'1"
251 lbs
6
Archetype
“vindictive municipal bureaucrat with a calculator and a grudge”
Backstory
Former parking violation clerk fired for "excessive enthusiasm" who discovered tackling pays better than fines. Now maintains a laminated spreadsheet ranking every quarterback he's sacked by their estimated net worth, personally billing them for administrative processing fees.
In the Booth
Nasal, perpetually aggrieved monotone punctuated by aggressive pen-clicking and the phrase "I'm documenting this"
Catchphrases
That'll be seventeen dollars and fifty cents
I'm filing a formal complaint with the league
Known Quirks
Wears intentionally mismatched socks to "protest uniform code inconsistencies"
Demands itemized receipts from equipment managers for every piece of gear he touches
Team
Brinewater Tide
Brinewater