⚡ WEEK 8: BEHEMOTHS 27 · RAMBLERS 14⚡ TIDE HOLD ON 21-17 OVER SPECTERS⚡ CHUNK THE DOG HAS HIS OWN TRADING CARD NOW⚡ ENGINES OFFENSIVE LINE VOTED MOST TERRIFYING IN SPORTS⚡ PROPHETS ANALYTICS BLOG NOW 47 PAGES · NOBODY READ IT⚡ COLLECTIVE RUN TRICK PLAY FROM OWN 12 · IT WORKED⚡ BRENDA KILLICK HAS OPINIONS ABOUT YOUR TEAM⚡ SAINTS STILL REBUILDING · YEAR 17 OF THE REBUILD⚡ WEEK 8: BEHEMOTHS 27 · RAMBLERS 14⚡ TIDE HOLD ON 21-17 OVER SPECTERS⚡ CHUNK THE DOG HAS HIS OWN TRADING CARD NOW⚡ ENGINES OFFENSIVE LINE VOTED MOST TERRIFYING IN SPORTS⚡ PROPHETS ANALYTICS BLOG NOW 47 PAGES · NOBODY READ IT⚡ COLLECTIVE RUN TRICK PLAY FROM OWN 12 · IT WORKED⚡ BRENDA KILLICK HAS OPINIONS ABOUT YOUR TEAM⚡ SAINTS STILL REBUILDING · YEAR 17 OF THE REBUILD
#10
P

Cornelius Parch

Brinewater Tide

81

OVR

Age

29

Height

6'2"

Weight

205 lbs

Pro Yrs

7

“the numerologically obsessed field general”

After a failed stint as a competitive chess player, Cornelius discovered his true calling wasn't strategy but rather the physics of spiraling an oblate spheroid. He now spends his off-season consulting tarot cards to predict wind patterns and claims his best punts occur during odd-numbered lunar cycles.

Speaks in measured cadences like he's narrating a nature documentary about himself, with inexplicable references to Renaissance painters.

“

The ball knows what it wants to do

“

Geometry never lies, but the football sometimes dissembles

→

Refuses to use the same cleat combination twice in a season

→

Insists on kicking only while humming a different classical composition each week

BWT

Brinewater Tide

Brinewater