74
OVR
28
6'1"
248 lbs
6
Archetype
“Film-obsessed algorithm trying to solve defense like a spreadsheet problem”
Backstory
Rejected a Division II scholarship to pursue competitive fermentation consulting, realizing mid-kimchi batch that defensive schemes and bacterial cultures both demand pattern recognition. Now charts opposing offenses by moon phase and defensive line pressure metrics, generating win probability models that are somehow 51% accurate.
In the Booth
Flat affect interrupted by weird enthusiasm, speaks in percentages and hypotheticals like he's speedrunning a MBA thesis.
Visual Profile
Perpetually sunburned from sideline surveillance with binoculars, patchy blonde mohawk he refuses to cut until a winning season, looks like he's permanently squinting at something 40 yards away.
Catchphrases
That's statistically disadvantageous for their geometry
Brine-level tackling efficiency right there
Known Quirks
Maintains a detailed color-coded spreadsheet of every opposing QB's pre-snap habits
Wears a vintage diving watch he claims vibrates at optimal tackle moments
Team
Brinewater Tide
Brinewater