82
OVR
31
6'4"
210 lbs
8
Archetype
“Spreadsheet-obsessed oracle of the autumn wind”
Backstory
Former insurance actuary who accidentally discovered his life purpose while recalculating the Poisson distribution at 2 AM; now approaches each punt like a catastrophic risk assessment with wind patterns, leg strength, and pure vibes in the regression model.
In the Booth
Rapid-fires analysis like he's speed-explaining a TurboTax tutorial, punctuated by nervous laughs.
Visual Profile
Pale complexion from indoor statistical work, perpetually squinting at the sky like reading a menu in bad lighting. Wears compression sleeves with what might be tiny bar charts printed on them.
Catchphrases
The data says we're favored, and the data is my lord
This boot has a 73% confidence interval and honestly that's pretty good
Known Quirks
Maintains a spreadsheet of every punt from the last three years, cross-referenced by barometric pressure
{"Will not kick until he's performed his ritual":"three practice swings, two sky looks, one existential sigh"}
Team
Brinewater Tide
Brinewater