77
OVR
28
6'4"
215 lbs
6
Archetype
“Spreadsheet savant with a cannon arm and worse decision-making”
Backstory
Spent his entire offseason memorizing defensive coordinators' podcasts and now won't shut up about them mid-game, treating audibles like peer review. His girlfriend hired a sports psychologist after he tried to optimize their dinner plans using expected value calculations.
In the Booth
Speaks like he's explaining derivatives to someone actively closing their laptop, with occasional unhinged bursts of complete confidence.
Visual Profile
Sharpened jawline constantly undermined by an expression of mild confusion, like he's perpetually trying to remember a password. Permanent coffee stain on his practice jersey that he insists unlocks his accuracy—won't wash it, won't acknowledge it.
Catchphrases
That's just probability, baby
The model said fourth down was negative EV, so obviously we're going for it
Known Quirks
Carries laminated sheets of historical QB metrics in his sock that he consults on the sideline
Refuses to call plays during Mercury retrograde because "the data gets weird"
Team
Brinewater Tide
Brinewater