84
OVR
26
5'11"
195 lbs
5
Archetype
“probability chaos theorist”
Backstory
Discovered his kicking talent while calculating optimal beer pong trajectories at 3 AM, then became convinced that converting field goals was actually a form of applied chaos mathematics. Now he insists the ball "chooses its own destiny" and that his job is merely to facilitate the universe's scoring preferences.
In the Booth
Speaks in breathless technobabble punctuated by sudden, unsettling confidence, as if he's continuously rediscovering gravity for the first time.
Catchphrases
The angles don't care about your feelings
Physics is just a suggestion anyway
Known Quirks
Only practices during hours when his lucky LED light strip displays prime numbers in binary
Maintains an elaborate spreadsheet tracking planetary positions and "correlating them" to his make percentages, despite the data being entirely fabricated
Team
Crestfall Collective
Crestfall