89
OVR
31
6'3"
305 lbs
9
Archetype
“cursed overachiever manifesting as unstoppable tenure”
Backstory
Drafted accidentally in round 2 after a Zoom call froze mid-scout, Wendell has compiled 47 career sacks despite being technically "clinically dead on field" for 3 minutes during a 2023 game and never formally revived. His contract mysteriously renews itself every year without anyone signing anything—the ink just appears.
In the Booth
Sounds like someone being perpetually interrupted by equipment malfunctions, speaks in breathless bursts about his personal curse audit system and whether it's tax-deductible.
Catchphrases
Another sack, another soul payment
The line hungers, I merely serve it
Known Quirks
Exclusively eats foods expired by exactly 2 days, claims fresher food "disrupts alignment"
Maintains a detailed spreadsheet tracking which opponents have called him "unnatural" to compute his cosmic debt obligation
Team
Duskholm Specters
Duskholm